Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
