i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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