I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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