So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize