For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
