so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
