Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
