I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
