You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
