She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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