Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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