An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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