I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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