Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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