cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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