I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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