Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
