wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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