dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
