dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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