Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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