you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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