Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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