so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
