did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
