did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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