just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
