I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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