This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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