Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
