He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
