Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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