i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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