i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
