He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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