Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
