Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
