We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
