Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
