my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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