did you get engaged???
someone threw a dead crab at me
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
