So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
