accomplished twins. life is a go
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
