she was so not down for the gang bang
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
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