Dual....:-)
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
