Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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