Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
