Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
