Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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