Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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