New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
