Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
