Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
