Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I am in a vortex of obligation.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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