Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
