I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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