Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Non-Jews are for practice
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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