I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
