I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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