His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize