i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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