Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
