I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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