Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize