What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
