I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
