Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
