That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
