I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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