I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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