this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
